What’s this whole Laborant thingy?
In a nutshell
By signing up as an Unzyme laborant you’ll get to participate in the development of all things Unzyme. When you join, you get to see what’s happening behind the scenes, you’ll get to hear new songs before the rest of the world, and best of all, you get to help us gain world domination quicker.
From time to time we will ask for your help, but helping is always voluntary and you’re never obliged to do anything. If you’re willing, you can sell albums, spread stickers, wish for our songs to be played on the radio, organize an event for us to play at, and whatnot. Bring your ideas to the Laborants team and we’ll see what we can do.
Needless to say, every deed that you do to help us, will be rewarded. We have lots of cool stuff, such as Cybernetic Fluids Test Tubes, T-shirts, Telekinetic implant advertisement stickers, Lab coats, Biohazard bags… Something that you will most probably not find anywhere else.
As a Laborant you’ll get to see some for-your-eyes-only material. For example, you could get special discount codes to our store, requests for music video volunteers, contests, information on secret meetings etc…
Here’s the same message in a more epic format
Unzyme laborants – an elite crew of humanoids dedicated to spreading the scripture of the Unzymian word. The very existence of this highly secretive society has been debated among scholars for the past two thou…. two years. Rumours of glamorous lives and great fortune among its members have spread throughout the centuries. Stories of people with tentacles as their arms have been speculated by the people and debunked by skeptics.
But the tales of the tentacle people have always their basis in reality.
For finally, we have come public.
And we are now recruiting.
AND we want you to join us.
However, as Spider-man’s uncle once said, with great power comes great responsibility. Unzymians must earn their position by performing various tasks in real life: spreading stickers and posters, selling albums and merchandise and luring innocent friends to join you. Only by proving your loyalty may you climb the ranks and earn personal benefits.
As you climb the ladder you’ll be handsomely rewarded: tickets to our shows, merchandise, random mutations, brain augmentations and unimaginable wealth are within you reach.
Extend your helping tentacle and join us now! (<- yes, that is a link, what are you waiting for?)
Another way to put this would be calling it a fan base or a street-team. But that would be lame.